Momentary

word confusion

2012-02-16T18:28:00.001-08:00

today hazel was talking about some special thing.... like a rock from outside or something. "will you hold it for me while i get bath-tized? so it doesnt get wet. while i get bath-tized." hahaha. clearly she thinks baptism has something to do with a bath of water.

what?

2012-02-12T11:52:00.000-08:00

the kids are dressed up as cowgirls. they keep going to the chicken coop bringing hay and water and other animal-husbandry type stuff. i just saw Hazel scold a chicken and shoo it away from its coop saying in this angry voice "no,, get out of here, YOU ARE NOT THE LLAMA."

progress report

2012-02-07T15:21:00.000-08:00

verbatim tamsin's 3d quarter kindergarten progress report:

"Tamsin is such a cutie. I think she could probably take over teaching the class. I find her pointing to letters and encouraging children while i am assessing them. It's like having a shadow in the classroom :). Tamsin's progress with reading and writing continue. She likes the idea of stretching her brain and trying to challenge herself to do more. Keep up the good work mom and dad!"

how sweet. my little Tamsin. such a good, spunky girl.

taking stock

2012-02-07T09:33:00.001-08:00

Tess is 8 weeks old! i think i can count on one two hands the total amount of minutes she has cried since she was born. she is such a good baby. i also can count on two hands the number of poops she has taken since birth-- 8. one a week! at first i was all worried but because she isn't fussy and it doesn't seem to bother her it is AWESOME! hubby is so glad about all of the money we have saved on diapers.

there has hardly been a cross word in our house the past 8 weeks even though me and ben are tired. everyone is really enjoying Jolly little Tess.

underwear

2012-01-23T10:34:00.000-08:00

hazel is big into dress-up these days. most days i cannot get her into normal clothing and instead she wears a costume. the other day she had an accident so she changed out of her rotten ralph costume and into the angel costume. she announces she was "an angel from space" (as a side note, it is interesting that she said space. tamsin would have said heaven. hazel is much more of a scientist, a literalist, and therefore probably does not believe in such a fanciful place as heaven!) i told her to go get some undies on. she paused "do angels wear underwear?"

the other day the girls emerged from the garden buck naked except for some twine tied around their waists with a single bok choy leaf covering their fronts. "we are so poor we can't afford underwear" tamsin explained. (yes, hazel is wearing tap shoes in the picture!! i can't make this stuff up!)

the mind of a three year old

2012-01-23T10:23:00.001-08:00

on the way home from preschool last week hazel asked out of the blue "will we die?"
"yes" i responded, "but not until you are very old." for reference i said "like older than grammy."
"remember that story about that little girl who didnt have any shoes and a mean mommy and daddy?" she asked.
"yes, the Little Match Girl" i answered. we had read this story over xmas and i knew it made a big impression on her.
"yeah, the little match guhwl. she died and then her and her grandmother turned into 'tars. you will turn into a 'tar when you die."

a couple of days later she wanted to play "the little match girl" game with me. she explained how it was going to work, which was basically reenacting the story. she was the little match girl, clutching matches and trying to sell them and i was her mean daddy who gave her a spanking whenever she used one up to warm herself (every time this part of the game would occur she would get this concerned look on herself and say, just for pretend right?!). then she would enact the fantasies the little match girl did in the story. first, i told her envision the warmest thing you can (in the book the little girl envisions herself by a wood-burning stove). hazel said "the sun" and then she basked in the sun in the garden for a minute. then the little girl in the book envisions a beautiful succulent xmas goose. i told hazel to envision her favorite food. "broccoli" she said. (clearly saying "you love broccoli, its your favorite!!!" when i serve broccoli for dinner is paying off!). then right before she freezes to death the little girl envisions her grandmother, the person who was always kind to her. i said to hazel, pick your favorite person, the person who is always kind and nice. "gramsie" she said. then i turn into the grandmother and i lift hazel up and we go to "heaven" together and turn into stars.

it is a really sad and disturbing game and it was kind of painful for me to play but clearly she is trying to work out some issues so i was there to help her do it.

weight gain

2012-01-17T15:24:00.000-08:00

Tess is 9 1/2 lbs already and in the 50% percentile for weight; impressive because she was 2 weeks early and so small. it is amazing what a sense of satisfaction and a feeling of relief i get from knowing that she is thriving, in the most essential and basic way.

hazel told me she wanted to go "for a camp" today. i think camping is the activity that the girls think of as most exciting and fun. she packed an elephant roller backpack with her essential camping gear: slippers, her blanket and mimi, binoculars and Old Maid. I set up this little play tent for her and she had a snack in there. As soon as Tamsin came home from school they disappeared into the tent and played Old Maid. Hazel tries to end up with the Old Maid and Tamsin tries to get rid of it so its a win-win for both.

A couple of weeks ago Hazel was playing with Tess. Tess did a random newborn movement and touched Hazel's hair. Hazel ran over to me excited and said "The baby is learning to pull hair!!!"

Hazel is so so sweet with Tess. she totally gets that Tess is delicate and vulnerable. She will walk by Tess and gently adjust her blanket or move her hat out of her eyes. Today i was holding Tess and she was sacked out. i asked Hazel if she wanted to hold her and she got this stricken look on her face and shook her head no violently. tess was on the mat and Hazel was playing with a toy. it dropped out of her hand close to Tess's head. i gently chastised her. she looked so guilty and then she looked down at the ground and said "don't tell anyone." it was so sweet and funny; i mean who would i tell? i am el jefe.

Little T is here!

2012-01-06T11:21:00.000-08:00

Tiny Tess arrived about 3 1/2 weeks ago. i have been meaning to post because it seems as if she and we change daily and i wanted to have a record of every moment (lest i forget anything/everything in the fogginess of little sleep). alas, this is my first post and she is almost 4 weeks old.

i worried that i couldn't love this baby as much as the other kids. that feeling disappeared the moment she was born and now she is my favorite. just kidding. but there is something about a tiny vulnerable newborn that makes your heart swell and brings out the best in me (and everyone else around her for that matter). it really is akin to falling in love-- i i want to see her all of the time, i want to cuddle her, hold her, every expression and movement is beguiling. i am entranced by her.

so far she has proved herself to be such a good jolly little thing. even though she was so tiny i never felt that she was meager-- she is so strong and she eats with gusto. she is composed and peaceful during her awake time and has exceptional neck strength. like tamsin, she seems to fight sleep and want to stay awake and be a part of it all. she is a major spitter-upper and only goes poop about 4 days but it doesnt seem to phase her and she just takes it in stride.

something else i forgot is that there is something about a baby that really brings people together. again, there is something about a newborn that makes people slow down, reminisce, reflect that is so nice.

like 2 puppies

2011-11-22T13:13:00.000-08:00

i will remember this time as very busy, as very intense; a time which left for little else besides parenting children (packing lunches, dropping off at school, making sure clean clothes are ready etc) and doing some fulfilling work of one's own. not much time for reading, for creative pursuits, for fancy relaxing trips. i will remember it as a time of messes (as i look from where i am sitting in the playroom i see Halloween decorations that need putting in the garage, every single toy splayed out across the floor, art supplies in a mess on the table, and on and on...). but as i reflect on our year and half here and the past 9 mths of being pregnant, i will remember it as a very very happy time that was filled with laughter on everyone's part. i am pretty sure that tamsin or hazel makes me really laugh hard several times a day. what other job could you say that about? as tamsin transitions out of her true childhood (she is learning to read! takes a leadership role!) i am thankful for all of the little moments i got to spend with her because they have been so so precious. we are so blessed and i am so thankful.

spotted

2011-11-20T19:05:00.000-08:00

T wearing one soccer cleat (no socks), one flip-flop and otherwise stark naked chasing the chickens around with a plastic magician's wand in the backyard.

what do you do at recess?

2011-11-18T18:29:00.000-08:00

Tamsin was flying around the house the other day while i was making dinner. all of a sudden she stopped and said "oh mom, guess what? i run around and try to kiss the boys in my class at lunch." Ben gave me this look like, oh my god, what do we have in store in the next 15 years?

baby shower

2011-11-18T18:26:00.000-08:00

my neighbor and friend is sweetly throwing me a baby shower. i hate being the center of attention but she insisted. anyway, my little ladies are coming and H keeps suggesting people to come. she suggested our neighbor Arnim and i told her baby showers are usually just for chicks. so she started naming all of the people that could come and then said "blanket can come... its a girl." it was so funny and sweet. her utter devotion to blanket does not show signs of wavering. she now bundles it up and sleeps directly on it like a pillow.

email exchange between hubby and i while kids were at school

2011-10-26T10:18:00.000-07:00

Molly P. Brizgys wrote:
>>
>>> Just working from home. More efficient... Isn't it sweet tamsin wanted to
>>> buy milk at school?

Ben Hurlbut at bhurlbut@asu.edu wrote:
>
>> is that what she wanted? She is so sweet. Did you figure it out for her?
>>

Molly P. Brizgys wrote:

> Yes, figured it out, put money on her card, told mrs. Jung. So she is all
> set. Btw we owe hazel $3 out of her piggy bak because she subsidized it
>
> Ben: I bet she would be quite pleased to do that-- buying milk for her big sis.

no tears at drop off. I was rather surprised about that. bat gummies. pure magic.

molly:
That's good. I am surprised too. She is such a sucker for gummies! It was
awful but really sweet sleeping with hazel last night. I don't know if I
have ever really done that. She is so independent when it comes to sleep.
But defintely her blanket smells like a homeless person.

ben:
its good. If we ever fall on hard times and have to live under a bridge, hazel will be right at home-- smelly, grungy blanket, pissing on the ground, etc. And T is, of course, a professional junk collector.

glad it was nice for you. I basically got repeated mauled this morning, all under the guise of "snugglwing." When I finally got up and went to the bathroom, she switched the light on and off over and over while laughing maniacally. Whatever makes her happy, I guess.

straight to the heart

2011-10-07T10:17:00.000-07:00

yesterday i scolded the kids for stepping on the wicker baskets that hold their toys. tamsin looked at me and said "every time you get mad at me i wish i were at school." i felt terrible. "but mrs. jung makes you guys clean up after you do an activity at school" i said, pleading a weak defense. "yeah but she doesnt have as fierce a voice as you." straight to the heart. she tells it like it is!!! god i felt so bad. i laid off the nagging about the playroom messes for the past couple of days.

yesterday i had a dr's appt and both kids came. at the end i was making another appt (forgot how many dr's appts you have towards the end!) and there is a wall of pamphlets from pharmaceutical companies hawking their drugs plus other medical information like storing cord blood etc. tamsin always helps herself to a load of booklets and then asks me what they are for (try explaining birth control to a 5 yr old-- i didnt, i dodged the question). she was in her bed waiting for ben to read to her looking them over. she was perusing the mammogram one when he came in. she got a goofy grin on her face, started laughing maniacally and said "do this to your boobs dad." hahahahahhaha. she is so funny. poor ben, living with a house of chicks!

ungodly hour

2011-10-03T09:09:00.000-07:00

yesterday at 6:02 i found myself telling (lets be honest, yelling) at the kids "its too EARLY for TAP shoes." today i found myself yelling at an even earlier hour "no STILTS. stilts are NOT a morning toy." suddenly both kids are getting up very early. they help themselves to food from the cabinets and then sit in tamsin's bed making noise, gradually getting bolder and bolder in how far they venture outside of the playroom and how loud they are. i am sooooooooo tired.

tamsin had her first ear infection. it was traumatic for everyone; tamsin is usually really stoic about pain. she was prescribed antibiotics and the doctor told her it was going to taste like bubblegum. it was this sick chalky liquid stuff. i gave her the first dose and she started tearing around the room, almost gagging, yelling "that does not taste like bubblegum it tastes like gruel." she was so pissed.

switch

2011-09-26T14:52:00.000-07:00

yesterday while i was making dinner tamsin disappeared into my closet and emerged "dressed as me." hazel promptly took note and grabbed a shirt of ben's off the hanger and put on his flip flops and they trounced around the house in their separate roles (not an easy thing for hazel to do in ben's size 12 flip flops! yikes!). hazel spoke in this very deep voice and kept saying "hi molly." tamsin kept trying to wield her power. like at dinner she would announce "i can excuse myself because i am you and so i am the boss" and "i don't have to eat any more bites because i am molly" and bossing me around because "you are Tamsin."

a couple of thing about T's image. the outfit she picked was cute. In seeing it, i was like, yeah i have cute clothes and i can look stylish sometimes. for the past 4 mths my outfits have literally been shapeless dresses, flip flops and an oversize practical hat from REI (accompanied by a red face because chances are if i am outside i am overheated). it has been so hot that i cannot wear any pants or anything with sleeves or structure so i feel like an amorphous blob.

tamsin's stance bummed me out a little because i bite my nails and now she bites her nails. :( i notice her doing it when she is bored or daydreaming but still, it is a bummer. but i am trying not to make a big deal out of it because my parents used to get so stressed out by my biting my nails that it made me even more conscious of it and nervous.

her heart's desire

2011-09-22T08:40:00.000-07:00

i told H that i would take her somewhere fun today, just with me. ever since school has started we have been busy-- school pick-ups, drop-offs, packing lunches, soccer on the weekends-- all chop up the day and make it harder to do fun outings. so i asked her where she would like to go today if she could choose. without missing a beat she said "candy store." i said, "oh, i want to take you somewhere where you can play." so her next choice was "doc's house." she will have to settle for the children's museum!

wiki sticks

2011-09-06T11:21:00.001-07:00

this is what hazel made with the little wiki sticks the pizza place gives to the kids instead of crayons.

vetted

2011-09-06T11:01:00.000-07:00

sometimes i read my past blog entries and realize that i write a lot more about T than H. i think one of the reasons is because this space has become where i worry/work through some parenting issues i seem to be having and, unfortunately for Tamsin, she is the oldest and thus, everything gets worked out on her. for instance, i look back at all of the time i spent agonizing over T's naps (i mean sheesh, who was i back then? crazy control freak mommy, that's who) and i never never stress out or battle with H over her sleep. i just know it is going to work out and i am a way more flexible person now who has learned (from T) to roll with the punches.

for H i know it is going to be ok because i have already been there and i have a better sense of perspective. anyway, H has been having a hard time at school. my feelings about it are different than with T though, i feel that empathetic feeling of feeling sad/heartbroken when your child is sad. i still ask myself is she ready/did i do something wrong as a parent that has ill-equipped her from being away from home... but i don't feel concerned/worried about it. i know 1) the school is good (cause T vetted it for us all last year!) 2) it is a phase 3) this is as much about me letting go than it is about her letting go (again, after having gained some perspective from T's experience) and 4) she will eventually like school (exhibit T).

i have been slowly leaving the classroom and letting H hack it on her own at school. a huge huge part of her having a hard time adjusting is the fact that T is not there. They have really done everyhthing together as a little duo. T is her protector and enforcer; often she speaks on behalf of H when they are playing with a group of kids or interprets for her when H is misunderstood. as i watch H at school she is so good at listening to the teacher, she loves the stories, she loves helping out with setting up the snack, but it is really hard for her to speak up when another kid takes her toy or cuts in line. so as a result she feels steamrolled and uncomfortable. every day she gets two cups of water and sets them on the counter-- one for her and one for Tamsin- and then falls apart if someone drinks T's. T is totally with her in spirit at school and she profoundly misses her presence. also, H has to navigate school without her blanket. she leaves it in her cubby in the beginning of the day and then picks it up when we leave. i am so proud of her being separated from this love object, too! as i am writing this i am surprised she is not more tweaked out by all of the changes!

school vocab

2011-08-22T18:37:00.000-07:00

T just said in a very officious voice "proper procedures, bath procedures." clearly she learned that in school. now she is doing a little clapping rhythm and told Hazel "repeat after me." i guess it could be worse.

yesterday at the pool T was annoyed at Ben because he told her she couldnt sit near my lane while i swam laps. he said she turned her head and body away from him, avoiding all eye contact, and when he tried to talk to her she just put her hand out in a thumbs down.

goodbyes

2011-08-16T09:17:00.000-07:00

H's face pressed against the window pane yelling "bye Tamsin, bye Tamsin." Tamsin, crying her little eyes out, clutching her bike handles.

a friend stopped by to thank us for watering their plants. Hazel explained "my sistehw is at kindergarten. she was crying. we put gummy things in her lunch to up her cheer."

it is so sad to separate these two little friends-- such different personalities, but so close and so loving to each other.

BMs in strange places

2011-08-15T16:04:00.001-07:00

today when picking up T she had a tentative smile on her face. she quickly declared "i went POOP at kindergarten today." i take this as a huge victory because she had been holding it all of the other days and then feeling constipated and shitty (haha) during the evening. baby steps? dare i hope she is getting more comfortable there?

kindergarten

2011-08-15T09:11:00.000-07:00

I never anticipated that kindergarten was going to be so hard for T. she is usually the first kid out of the blocks, with me having to hold her back. it is monday morning of week 2 and ben just dropped her off and she was sobbing, crying, clinging. it is so unlike her! she works herself up to a frenzy and closes herself off to her teacher, the other kids, to the fun aspects of it. last week i was ambivalent about everything, maybe she is not ready, maybe the school isn't right, etc. now after mulling all of those things over i am totally convinced that those things are all sound and it is just going to take some adjusting. but what a fucking adjustment! it is so painful every morning to see her like this and it makes me question everything... why am i doing this? should i go rescue her and just go swimming or to a museum like we have been doing all summer (it takes willpower for me not to do this when i see her so upset)? will this distance her from me and Ben because she hates it so much and we are the ones making her do it? maybe the school is too stifling of her creative imaginative mind? have i done something wrong as a parent that has made her ill-equipped to deal in this environment? every morning is plagued by doubt and anxiety on everyone's part.

the "experts" i trust (her beloved former preschool teacher, preschool director, a few others) tell me she is ready, it is normal for their to be a very hard adjustment period.
my instinct tells me that she can succeed and will love kindergarten once she relaxes a little.
ben and i have discussed it hours upon hours and have come to the conclusion that it is right.
but those abstract conclusions give me (and definitely not her) little solace in the moment-to-moment realities of this "transition" (is that a euphemism for torture session? soul-crushing? the Man formally indoctrinating you into his fucked up world?)

chicken enforcer

2011-08-15T09:07:00.000-07:00

one of the kids "jobs" is to put the chickens away after they have played in the yard. usually T takes care of this but the other day H ran outside first to do it. i saw her running around after them with her little rake. promptly they all fled inside the coop. she came inside to report. i complimented her on it (for doing it by herself etc.) and she promptly held out her hand and said "where's my 25 cents." apparently it had not been lost on her that T got a stipend for completing this task.

now, every chance she gets she lets the chickens out for 30 seconds (sometimes more, 2 minutes tops), chases them back in wildly with her rake and then demands prompt payment. it is so funny.

i'm reminded

2011-07-27T15:11:00.000-07:00

i"m reminded as i sit here doing some stuff on the compute why i never get around to blogging anymore. the girls were climbing all over me as i tried to do a few things. tamsin literally stuck her finger in her butt and then put her finger under my nose to get my attention. it worked. everything stopped for me for a few seconds as my mind wrapped around what was going on. WTF!!! then hazel started sucking on my big toe and when that didn't get a rise out of me she bit it. some day, some day, there will be peace. and then i will miss these days.

end of may already?

2011-05-18T13:55:00.000-07:00

wow. the time has been flying. haven't had the time to write lately. laundry piles up, little piles of toys everywehere, chicken food all over the kids room (strictly forbidden but happened anyway). someday the house will be very clean and neat with stacks of books that i have read, sewing projects i have completed etc. someday, but not now. now i feel like we live in semi-squalor most of the time. does that mean i am doing something wrong or right? i still havent figured out which answer to that question i feel more comfortable with.

the chicks are in their chicken coop. it has been a good thing on the whole for the kids. tamsin really likes them and hazel has warmed up to them. today she saw the neighborhood cat sitting outside the coop, licking its lips. she ran outside and chased the cat away. then she got her bike helmet on and her little kids broom and paced on front of the coop, sentinel style. in her own words "i chased baby kitty out, he ran under a car, and then i nudged him with the broom so he wouldn't eat the chicks."

the other day the window was open and the wind was blowing tamsin kept shouting "stop it aelois, stop it." aeolis is a greek god of the winds. she is very into greek gods. ben was saying something the other day and she said very seriously "the gods must be respected."

hazel loves the book Bedtime for Frances. it is about a little badger who is scared of various thingsat bedtime. hazel shields her eyes and clutches me at all of the "scary" pictures. it is so sweet at the most innocuous things that my girls get scared of.

why does the butterfly flutterby?

2011-03-29T19:54:00.000-07:00

we have been going to the botanical garden's butterfly exhibit. except for the crotchety old senior citizen volunteers who have as much humor and cheerfulness as a doorknob, it is great. the kids routinely spend an entire hour in there looking at the butterflies and marking which ones they see on their "map." T loves when they land on her and H likes it ok but was very frustrated that she couldn't see the butterfly that was on top of her hat. the rule is you cannot touch the butterflies so if one falls on the ground a docent it supposed to come rouse it with a feather duster. the girls took this rule very seriously and every time they would find a fallen butterfly would rush to the docent and report butterfly down. it is very mellow and fun.

first haircut

2011-03-29T19:50:00.000-07:00

i have cut hazel's haircut before but thought she needed a professional job before the wedding. she was kind of nervous but really brave and i was proud she sat through the whole thing without her mimi or blanket. she asked me to hold her hands under the smock with was so sweet. she hated the hair dryer so i told the woman she didn't need a blow-out. she looks so cute and grown-up. my little woman.

where has all of the time gone?

2011-03-29T19:45:00.001-07:00

the house is a mess, ben and i are tired, and i keep asking myself what are we doing differently than say 1 yr ago when things felt more under control? right now for some reason it feels harder than having a newborn. the girls are great but very intense. and they dont sleep like a newborn so it feels like it is non-stop. non-stop teaching, interacting, setting limits, breaking up fights, loving, reading, answering pressing questions, preparing food, cleaning up food, ignoring mischief, spending 20 minutes cleaning up said mischief etc. washing so many clothes, the list is endless. i have figured out a few things that need to change. 1. we need a streamlined watering system for the garden. i love my plants like pets but i cannot keep up with hand-watering every day. hubbie and i are going to work on this this weekend. that's all i have come up with. HA! if you ahve any suggestions let me know!

i got punkd!

2011-03-04T09:40:00.000-08:00

i was vacuuming under the girls bed and came across almost all of T's clothes stuffed under there. one of her chores is putting her clothes away. today she had some clean laundry so i asked her to put them away, but neatly, and not stuff them in so they get all wrinkled. she said she did it and i checked her "work" and complimented her on how neatly she had put everything away, gushed about what a good job she did etc. well, turns out she had taken most of the clothes out, stuffed them under her bed, then put the clean clothes away. i got PUNKD! dont know what to do about it.... does she lose her allowance for that week because she cheated? or should i just ignore it? then she might think i am a stupid fool... hmmm. bigger kids bigger problems.

3 out of my 5 favorite girls

2011-02-28T18:50:00.000-08:00

shout out to MOMO and K-dawg in P-town... we miss you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

some pics

2011-02-28T18:46:00.000-08:00

the kids were messing around on the swing tonight and i caught a few pics.

yes that is a picture of T hitting H with a broom because H was screaming "do it myself" at the top of her lungs because she didnt want T to "pin her" (spin her).

hi again

2011-02-28T18:37:00.000-08:00

so the bar is done. thank god for that. hubby was sure giddy when it was over... i guess i underestimated how stressful it was for everyone. i feel like total shit and have a bad cold but that is just what happens when your body relaxes after something like that. if i ever have to take another f-ing bar i will fall over.

hubby, gramsie, and the girls met me after the test with a homemade sign and it was so nice. i felt really touched and loved that they all came to see me come out.

the girls are good. H is really in the throws of terrible twos. she takes everything-- everything-- so much to heart. if things dont go exactly how she has planned or imagined or whatever she gets so bent out of shape. it has been a hard couple of months with her. i look back at pics from like 6 months ago and things were more mellow than they are right now. but she is so easy-going about so many things-- sleep, getting bossed around-- that it makes sense that she needs to assert herself a little more. her new thing is that she "reads" to her "guys" (stuffed animals) in her crib before bed and before nap. it is really so sweet-- her crib is FULL of all of the books she insists on having and she peacefully pages through them scrutinizing every picture and detail. she is a thinker, that one, full of pathos and intense ideas.

T is very proud of her jobs around the house-- making her bed, helping put away her laundry, and cleaning up the playroom each evening. she earned her first dollar last night after a week of doing them. i asked her what she was going to buy and she said-- no joke-- a new car. i said that takes a LOT of dollars so she amended it to a new bike. kids. they are so freakin funny.

charlottes web nightmare

2011-02-15T08:16:00.001-08:00

Tamsin complaining to Ben about the sausage at breakfast: "you're just trying to feed us meat to fatten us up. then you're going to kill us!"

its been a long time

2011-02-08T19:20:00.000-08:00

i havent posted in over 2 months! that is because i have a new person in my life: BarBri. i am taking the bar in two weeks and thus all of my time and mental energy goes into memorizing stupid legal rules. it has made family life stressful and i can't wait until it is done. right now we have the trifecta of misery: husband working A LOT, kids very sick and me studying. it does not make for a chilled existence.

a few notable things.

Hazel has refused to go into the bath for the last several nights because she "is afraid will go down the dwain. it too cary." at first i just chalked this up to her having a fever and feeling terrible but now her fever is gone. i dont really know what to do about it because i like my kids kleen and have them take a bath every night. but when she is really terrified and goes and hides once i start running the water i can't bring myself to make her go in.

about a week ago she had gone in the bath (crying the whole time) and i had washed her hair (another thing she HATES-- but she basically had dread locks so i forced the issue). after she was all clean and beautiful i combed out her hair and combed it up into a mmohawk. T came in and laughed and said "you look like a woodpecker from outer space." it was SPOT on. i think T will be a writer because she comes up with these totally imaginative amazing phrases that are so descriptive and unusual and perfect.

sorry no pics. camera charger is lost and no time to tear apart the house to find it.

christmas preparations

2010-12-09T19:13:00.000-08:00

well we have started to get ready for the holidays, Arizona style. painting outside, minimal baking, luminarias, jingle bells on repeat (T's request) for like 30 minutes straight.

we made some wrapping paper. I made potato stamps and T experimented with the project and then quickly made it her own-- painting the stamps themselves instead of using the stamps to paint. i love that about her-- she really thinks outside of the box. H really liked the activity for awhile and then asked me if she could use the paint to paint her nails and i said hell yes. back in the day it used to really flip me out when the art activity didn't go according to my anal plan but now i love it. something that really helps is that we can do it outside most of the time so i dont have to stress about the mess as much. but somehow our house is messier here than in exeter. i think that is because H helps make the mess now so there are two to clean up after.

this week was tense-- everyone was tightly wound, not sleeping well, sick (hazel) and CRABBY. i think things settled down a little today but everyone needs a little VACAY.

some notes on the pics:
the lil' tree is the girls special little x-mas tree decorated with *a lot* of glass balls. that puppy is weighed down.

T does crazy circus tricks on her swing that demonstrate her incredible core strength and arm power. today H was watching her and she said "i saw that show" in reference to cirque de soleil... there was a swing act in it that T tries to replicate and i gotta say she is pretty fucking similar to the professional acrobats. we actually had to have a "don't try this at home" talk with her during intermission.

H loves to ride the swing with me (so sweet) and i snapped a pic of it.

yes, there was naked water play this afternoon... december 9!!!!! eat your heart out!!!!!

winter winter

2010-12-01T19:34:00.000-08:00

even thought we live in Az it feels like winter. we have been playing inside more and the girls have been sleeping more. tonight H set up all of the books on their spines with the pages open and said she was holding "tory hower." she "read" each one aloud (which took all of 10 seconds) and then selected a new one and set the old one next to her. it was so cute. both girls have been super picky about meals lately. T makes a horrible offensive face and declares something "dee-scusting" and H just completely turns her back to me if she doesnt want to eat something. H's diet is limited to: bacon, raspberries, sausage, smashed fruit, broccoli, grilled meat, eggs in a hole, greek yogurt with honey and that is about it. seriously i make something slightly different and she flips.

i can't believe it is dec 1. where has the year gone? why are my babies getting so big?

hotel hotel

2010-11-17T19:37:00.001-08:00

we are in the throes of a visit from doc and mumzie. we are all having a great time. today i took the girls over to their hotel in the afternoon and we all went swimming (yes, swimming in november, hello valley of the SUN). the girls were so cute playing in the pool and the hot tub. after we got out there were all of these towels out and T asked "why do they have all of these towels." i told her it was for the guests to use to dry off. they were so stoked! they kept taking towel after towel and then dumping it in the little slot for used ones. they were in awe of the plentitude of towels and enjoyed luxuriating in one after the other. then they ran through the halls with glee and pressed all of the elevator buttons madly. once we got back to the room they plopped on the bed next to each other, got treated to some mini-bar trail-mix and watched cartoons on a real TV. they were in heaven. it was so adorable. H asked sweetly "can we stay here at doc's house?"

my girls

2010-10-15T19:54:00.000-07:00

had a great couple of days with the girls. there were a few instances where they showed real compassion and empathy with others and i was so proud of them! plus they are so funny.

we saw a guy with an eye patch. T said very loudly "there is a guy with an eye patch... is he a pirate?"

we went to the desert botannical garden to see their butterfly pavillion (our new favorite place... it is so beautiful, today we saw three bunnies, hundreds of butterflies, lizards, hummingbirds). the super nice volunteer outside the butterfly exhibit said "do you know the rules? have you ever been here before?" T said yes. he said "oh good, you can be my butterfly wrangler. you have to make sure none of the grown-ups touch the butterflies, ok?" T looked like she had won the lottery and said yes. we went inside. T took on this very officious tone and went up to everyone (about 5 people) and said "i am the butterfly wrangling (sounded like she had marbles in her mouth) please don't touch the butterflies." then she would move on to the next one. then she kind of surveyed the area, looking around at everyone, making sure they were following the rules. it was sooooo funny.

H and I have a great time hanging out while T is at school. she likes being my one and only for a few hours.

breasts, fascinating things

2010-10-11T20:37:00.000-07:00

i did a lot of lying on the couch while i was sick this weekend and H would just come hang out with me, chatting. at one point she came from reading a story with Ben and T and told me "daddy has a little tiny boob." (her voice got all high and she hunched her shoulders and made her hands into a tiny little gesture.) then she said "show me your boobs." i obliged. she told me "you have a big boob."

my breasts still make milk despite weaning hazel over 8 months ago and occasionally the kids ask to see it squirt out, so i show them. T said today "i think its rotten now" with this disgusted look on her face.

knife to the heart

2010-10-11T20:21:00.000-07:00

sometimes i wonder if i am going to regret writing about all of these hard moments of parenting... looking back the kids are going to have a skewed sense of what life was like when mostly things are wonderful. but the hard parts are what i feel compelled to write about lots of times.

anyway, T is in a super defiant phase... like you will say "don't do such and such" and she will look at you and so such and such. i was sick all weekend with hand foot and mouth disease (dont ask, i know it is fucking disgusting but it is not to be confused with hoof and mouth disease... that is a totally separate thing, i SWEAR) and had emerged from bed for sunday dinner, outside on the picnic blanket. we had ordered chinese food. after eating about 5 noodles Tamsin started tearing around the blanket whipping ben with a baby blanket, then throwing a huge blow-up beach ball at his head really hard so he had to keep deflecting it. we were giving mixed messages-- alternatively laughing because it was funny and it was this crazy outpouring of rage-- and getting mad because it was mean, annoying, and annoying. ben finally took the ball away and T collapsed into hysterical tears. then she said "i wish i was a newborn baby when you guys loved me all of the time." talk about a knife to the fucking heart. how is she so wise and self-aware? it made us all stop in our tracks and smother her with love. i guess that is the pain of being 4 and of being a parent of being 4-- of learning to be independent and separate but missing being dependent and one being.

here's to enjoying her impulsiveness, rage, exuberance, passion, drama, pathos and inability to control herself before she learns to bury those feelings and be composed, in control, measured, and pacific.

mama's takin us to the zoo, zoo, zoo

2010-09-23T14:18:00.000-07:00

today i had a moment where i felt totally unqualified to be a parent... like i didn't know what i was doing and i wanted desperately to have someone there who knew what the hell they were doing.

we were at the zoo. we go a lot-- it is close and a really nice zoo. i have come to really enjoy watching the animals and because we go so often i don't feel pressured to see a lot, we just go at a nice pace and stop and observe whatever interesting animal behavior draws our attention for as long as we want.

today's trip started off on the wrong foot. the atm didn't work and so i couldn't take the kids on the carousel which made them all bent out of shape, which made me bent out of shape that they had the audacity to be bent out of shape (insert "kids in ethiopia don't have a carousel, they don't even have FOOD" and "sometimes life does not work out exactly how you had planned" and "i don't have magical powers; i can't get money to appear out of thin air" and finally " we are going to leave if you don't stop crying about not getting to ride on the hummingbird" here). anyway, there was a cranky vibe in the air. but the kids played in the water, we heard the lion roar (something i have never heard and it is amazing!), and we saw the tiger climb on top of a rock. things were good.

we were on our way out and T begged and begged to have a sno-cone. i was hot and tired and so i capitulated even though i initially said no. i split the sno cone between the kids and we sat on t bench to watch the giraffes. H was on one side, T was on the other. i was holding H's cone for her because she couldn't hold it and eat it at the same time. something flooky happened and i was helping T and somehow H slid off the bench and banged her mouth. she was crying super hard and blood started pouring out of her mouth. i shoved the sno cone i was holding onto T and picked up H. i told T to stay on the bench and tried to figure out how H had hurt herself. i was internally freaking out-- like did she bite off part of her tongue? will she need stitches? can they stitch a mouth? she was crying so hard and bleeding so much and i dont think my panicked face did much to soothe her. i kept blotting her mouth with the napkins from the sno cone but it kept coming! finally it started to abate and i could see two teeth marks in her lower lip. she buried her head in her blanket and her sobs subsided. i turned to say something to T and she was gone. i felt like my heart stopped-- where the fuck was she? i looked desperately around our area in a panic and after a minute saw she had climbed this giraffe look-out thing. i was so mad at her (she was totally unaffected by the whole thing "i just wanted to go up there and you were busy") but i was just generally freaked out by the whole thing. things were totally copacetic and then they got messed up in a manner of seconds.

i collected myself on the bench, clutching little H close to me, seething at T and said "we are out of here and we are never getting snow cones again" deceiving myself with the false pretense that by abstaining from snow cones i could gain control over the chaos and uncertainty that is parenting.

echo

2010-09-22T18:59:00.000-07:00

today i heard T tell H very indignantly "i am not a maid service!" hmmmmm, wonder where she heard that? it made me feel guilty and mean.

quiet time

2010-09-20T18:46:00.000-07:00

today T was suspiciously quiet during quiet time. usually she comes into my room to say hello or use my bathroom or just bother me (which she then usually says "but i just wanted to give you a kiss..." what am i supposed to say to that?)

today i found her behind a big chair in the play room (she calls it "her second nook") using the detangler on her dog and giving him a real haircut. there was dog fur everywhere and the smell of coconut. she looked guiltily up when i discovered her
"project." i actually didn't care and was RELIEVED that she wasn't cutting her own hair.

H is a very good kid but sometimes she is naughty (like all kids). when i give her a scolding (something innocuous like sit down in your chair or don't paint the rug") she often gets this super serious look on her face and says "i pwomise." we just hung out at home while T was in school today which is a rare thing-- usually we have an outing or need to do errands. anyway i think she really enjoyed the one-one-one attention. i let her climb the ladder (i was washing windows) and just generally let her call the shots, which is a rare thing for the younger child.

T is getting really grown up and independent. in the mornings if she wakes up first (like every day) she goes into her special nook, gets changed, and listens to a story on tape on the ipod. if she is hungry she takes a yogurt or apple from the fridge and eats it. her favorite books are Pippi Longstocking, the Magic Treehouse and Charlottes Web. sometimes i need to stop and remind myself that she is only 4 and she is so amazing.

its been awhile...

2010-09-09T20:43:00.000-07:00

i was thinking what to post and started getting all anxious, thinking it has been two months... how am i going to recount everything that has happened... ahhhhh. then i decided i can't possibly catch the blog up. it will just have to pick up from where i left off. we moved, it was a busy summer, things seem to be settling down.

today i picked up H from her nap, she said "i want to go play with Big T. i love Big T soooooooo much." i think the move has brought them closer, like somehow because it was really hard and really just us three the past 2 mths they have a tighter bond.

T picked up the word "punctual" and used it like 10 times today (none of them in truly the correct context but it was sure funny hearing her saying it).

it is fall on the east coast. fall was really beautiful in new england but it always made me feel this sense of dread when it arrived. i thought soon, soon, we will be trapped inside for the next 6 months and it will be pretty and cozy and quaint but it will suck so hard.

the last couple of days have been so nice here-- cooler nights and warm days in the 90s. the girls have been playing outside, we have planted a ton of things, we have eaten outside almost every meal and i have this sense of relief. the hard part here (summer) is over and it wasn't that bad, now we get to kick back and really enjoy the outdoors, and i dont have to deal with the harshness of winter this year.

yo peeps

2010-06-28T20:33:00.000-07:00

i set up the wireless internet by myself! yay for me. i didnt think i could figure it out.

husband is gone for 12 days so i have had to move us in, unpack, set up the internet, take care of the girls/crazies, etc. all by myself. it is tiring, let me tell you. but things are going smoothly. last week was probably my hardest week of parenting ever... like i really thought my head was going to explode if i heard one more screaming cat-fight between the girls over some random block and i was convinced my back would break from literally carrying H all over Arizona. but i think slowly we are emerging into something resembling normalcy. although the kids seem to go from ok to totally nuts and out of control in 5 min, so who knows what tomorrow will bring.

things that happened today:

H tried to cut a wooden door with scissors.
T totally mastered going under water at the community pool... i am so proud of her.
T listened to probably 3 hours of stories on tape. my itunes bill is going to be THROUGH THE ROOF this month but i figure it is cheaper than a babysitter. one of the stories took place in australia and she kept referring to the "bingo" dog all day (i think it was a dingo) and she talked about a treasure nap.
H rode her little trike naked all day-- she is naked all of the time here and has the tan to prove it.
We picked our first gardenia from our new bush
a lady named Rosa came to the door peddling fresh tamales-- now that does not happen in Exeter, NH!

can't find the chord to download any pics... guess that box still is wating to be unpacked but will try to find it soon because we have some gems, people!

what we have been up to

2010-04-15T16:35:00.001-07:00

painting, laughing, picking flowers, selling the house, buying a new house, enjoying the sun, getting older (T and H both seem so much older to me recently, it is really sad... especially T, she is so mature these days and H is no longer my baby!), making messes for mom, missing dad (he is in spain at a conference), planning a hectic summer.

more outdoor pics

2010-04-08T17:52:00.000-07:00

outdoor life is so great for the kids. they have plenty of space to do their own thing, not as many fights over toys, more exercise, etc. it feels healthier. can you tell i cannot wait to move?

anyway, here are some pics of the girls goofing around on the bulkhead. they use it as a slide and it is one of their favorite places in our backyard.

easter

2010-04-08T17:41:00.000-07:00

easter was so fun this year. both girls loved the easter egg hunt and the weather was perfect-- 70 degrees and sunny all day. we had a big brunch and lots of folks came. H was naked almost the entire time. at one point T had all of the adults in attendance playing this game she made up called "eggs for joy" and then had them line up: boys on one side and girls on the other and march around the yard. she has this ability and confidence and energy to mobilize people-- large or small. she is getting so mature-- more helpful, reasonable, tempered. in her parent-teacher conference the traits her teacher emphasized were compassionate and empathetic. i couldn't be more proud that those are T's defining traits!

H has had some mega tantrums, wow, she has some pipes on her. it is funny, they phase me way less than they did with T. i would get all tweaked and tortured about them but now i just weather them and shrug them off and when i can, laugh at them.

ps. that is my hilarious friend Prieto who came to brunch dressed as the easter bunny. the girls were SCARED. so were the adults. he was a good sport to do it.

playing outside

2010-03-25T17:23:00.000-07:00

the girls and i had such a nice day... which was nice because yesterday sucked. at one point i told T on our walk, as i was trying to push/run with the double stroller in gale force winds, after she demanded i tell her another story about a seal "can you please just stop talking for a minute, i am feeling mental!" to be perfectly honest, i actually probably used a swear word but lets pretend i didn't.

anyway today was great, we spend the majority outside and their was this rhythm to the day where i could spend quality time alone with each kid.

while T was at school H and i played in the teepee outside. i put her little animals in there and she played while i did some yard work. then we played together. i would tell her i was going to take a nap inside and could i borrow her beloved blanket? she would nod and give it to me and she would say "noooooo" and laugh (in kind of a stressed out way) and take it back. she really wanted to let me have it but no matter how much she loves me she can't part with blankie. its like that scene in the simpsons when they make maggie choose between the family and the TV; H would definitely choose her blanket over me.

then we picked T up in the bike trailer and played more outside. the girls took a bird house and turned it into a barn, a house, and a flower repository. they have been playing so nicely together this week. T's nickname for H is "sweetie." H says something for T that sounds like "Big T" which me and hubby think is so funny and sweet.

T and i planted seeds and T is at such a great age where she is totally capable and gets things so quickly. she took the initiative to plant seeds in a little area, saying this is my garden, so i went with it and we cordoned off a little patch and made a little cloth banner saying "tamsin's garden." she was so proud. then she cast spells on me "that took away my voice" (she loves the fairy tale the little mermaid) so i would pretend i couldnt talk and i would act all pissed and frantic and throw things on the ground and then she would reverse the spell and i would start talking again. she was laughing hysterically.

sorry for the H pic overload but the light was really working out for me and it is hard to get good pics of H because she won't mug for the camera like T.

mo sun

2010-03-23T18:33:00.000-07:00

H says more: "mo."

last week we had mo sun. we made a makeshift pool out of a galvanized tub. T did acrobatics on it it and impressed me with her back muscles. she ate 5 popsicles, one after the other. at first i thought maybe i should stop her but then i was like, shit, she has been locked up for 6 months like a caged animal let her eat 20 freakin popsicles in celebration! H loved the sun too, she just chilled out on the adirondack chair and ate her popsicle slowly, dripping it all over her beloved blanket. i kept asking her "can i wash blankie?" and she would clutch it to her chest and say "no wash baby" (baby is what she calls her blanket... how sweet is that?)

i feel giddy because we are moving to warmer climes, closer to our peeps.
ps. that is hubby powerwashing our fence, to get the house ready to sell. not a fun job. hubby is our hero.
pps. i made T's blue dress. i think i can probably make most of her clothes in AZ because the weather is so warm.

gooooooooooooal

2010-03-23T18:21:00.000-07:00

T started a little soccer class and it is great. great little games, good exercise, and great young english kid as the coach. his name is "coach pete" but T calls him coach peep (i think because she is confused by his thick accent). T is very earnest, very attentive, and super cute during the class. H loves it as well. last week we did this game where you tucked a pinney into your waistband as a fox tail (the hound tried to catch you and pull it out). after the drill was over H found a loose pinney and insisted that i put it in her waistband and then mine and said "go" to me so she could chase me and she could pull my tail out.

coach pete asks a question before each class so each kid can share something about themselves. this week's question was "what's your favorite television show?" T was about in the middle of the roster. when it came to her she said "nicky mouse" and then paused and said "actually, princesses." she totally did not understand the question. most other kids said some flippin show called "dinosaur train." the week before the question was what's your favorite food (T: cookies) and this one kid said "ring dings" and his mom turned bright red and said all appolgetically to the other moms, "we really don't eat those, i don't know what he is talking about." like we care if your kid eats ring dings!!!!!

first signs of spring

2010-03-11T09:25:00.000-08:00

the weather has been in the 50s this week and the kids and i have been spending as much time outside as possible. it is sooooooo nice.

H gets new words everyday and strings a few together. i went in because i heard hysterical crying and H was saying "my socks, my socks", utterly devastated, tears streaming down her face, all red in the face. i had put some smartwool socks on T that H sometimes wears. T was sitting there totally nonchalantly and told me "she thinks these socks are hers" and shook her head. she was like a little adult.

T started this little soccer class and it is adorable to see her. she is very intense and sweet and earnest and tries so hard. the coach is called Coach Pete (this young english guy who is so great with the kids) but T calls him Coach Peep. the class is great-- all of these little fun games and lots of enthusiasm from Coach Pete. he was demo-ing this drill with a little boy. at the end of the drill the little kid was supposed to kick the ball through Coach Pete's legs. he did it on the first try and the crowd of parents and kids erupted in a cheer and the kid did a fist pump and took a victory lap. he was soooooo excited and it was *adorable*. the only downside to the class is H wants to be a full-fledged participant-- like when coach pete said "ok everyone get a ball and come sit in this circle" H did it! it was so sweet.

its supposed to rain all next week so we will be back inside :(.

mine!

2010-03-05T12:24:00.001-08:00

today we started kids yoga again. the kids have been seriously cooped up (lets just say we have been doing *a lot* of painting!) and i figured they needed some more activities to challenge their brains and bodies. it is the first time H has an activity that is "hers" too. she really liked it although has a cold and was pretty low energy. in the beginning we sit in a circle and do some stretches. H was sitting on my lap and then went off to do something and T came and sat on it. H came back "mine!" "mine" she shrieked and pushed T off. I felt bad for T; she took it like a champ but i could tell she felt a little displaced. this little kid was kind of hanging around us. i guess he was a little close for comfort because H scolded him "no, no" and pushed him away. Later T was sitting in front of us, H kept pulling her skirt away from her body and looking down her underpants to her bare bum and said "oooooooooh!"

i got a wisdom tooth out and i got the star treatment from T. she was very solicitious of me all day, saying "its ok mama!" and she let me sleep with her beloved fawn and cat. she was kind of disappointed to see them on the floor this morning. she pointed to them "did they jump out of bed during the night?"

nighttime wanderings

2010-02-19T17:52:00.000-08:00

this morning husband woke up and T's light was on. he went in but she was fast asleep-- fully dressed. apparently she had gotten up in the middle of the night, dressed herself completely, and went back to bed.

T painted an entire piece of paper with black watercolors. "this is the night" she told me.

snow day

2010-02-17T04:35:00.000-08:00

girls and i had fun playing outside in the big snow storm yesterday. i felt refreshed after being away for the weekend.

explaining things

2010-02-07T17:06:00.000-08:00

H had pneumonia and had to make a brief trip to the ER. I was home with T and she really wanted to know what was going on, if H was going to get better etc. we were talking about times we had been sick and i told her about when i was 5 and i got my appendix out. she has seen my scar and has been told this story before but now she is a little older so i went into more detail. i told her i got a stomach-ache and a fever, so gramsie and doc took me to the hospital. i told her there was something inside me that was infected and needed to come out so it would not pop inside me and make me more sick. so the doctor who is like doc put me to sleep and the cut me open and took out the bad thing and sewed me up and i was as good as new (and all about my recovery, and how i was a little scared to be in the hospital but gramsie slept in the room with me etc). after it was all done she paused for a second and then said "so you had a penny in there?" it was so funny.

shoes

2010-02-07T17:01:00.000-08:00

H is in that phase where she tries on everyone's shoes... she loves putting them on and stomping around the house. sometimes she can't get them on correctly and she balls up her fists in frustration, screams, and then bites the shoe really hard. it is so cute! she has been sick and today she seemed like her cheerful self, giving me that goofy grin that i love so much. the girls really are great. the other picture is of H trying to do a ballet move that T was doing all over the house. isnt she so intense and adorable?

winter blues

2010-02-03T18:42:00.000-08:00

i took some pics of the kids this week and they look so down in the dumps! except H looks so adorable in her little red riding hood cape. but on the whole they are pasty and sick and pissed! be gone ol' man winter!

i am officially a crazy helicopter parent

2010-02-03T17:43:00.000-08:00

below is an email i sent to the director of T's ballet program. go ahead, tell me i am CRAZY and one of those nutso mothers who intervenes on her kid's behalf but if you had seen T's face when i told her she was going to be a frog in the recital, you would have written a crazy email too.

Dear Musical Arts,

My name is X and my daughter T (3 1/2 yrs old) is in Miss F's 9 am Wednesday morning pre-ballet class. My daughter has really been enjoying this class the past year; she loves the ritual of getting dressed for class in her proper pink dance outfit and practices all of her moves all around the house for hours afterwards.

She is so excited for the recital and was thrilled to be “measured” this morning. Another mother mentioned that the class costume was possibly going to be frogs and I just wanted to express a few thoughts.

For a three year old, dance class is about the fantasy of becoming someone grown-up, elegant and glamorous. When T puts on her own simple leotard and sparkly skirt for class, she feels magical and transported. When T envisions the upcoming recital, she thinks of the sugar plum fairy, the snowflakes, the flowers, that she saw dance in The Nutcracker. The endless books about ballet that we read at home (the Angelina series, the Rachel Isadora books) portray little girls and their grown-up counterparts in visions of tulle and sequins; they are fairies, swans, the firebird, a flower. The outfits the little girls wear to class are pouffy, sequined, and pink. This is the world according to a three-year old girl; this is their fantasy land and yes, it is outlandish and over-the-top but this is what they have come to equate ballet with.

I think T and many of the other girls would be crushed if there costume were a frog. It just does not equate with their fantasy of what a ballerina is or wears. She does not associate any animal — except maybe a butterfly or a bird— with the art of ballet. I respect your artistic choice and understand you probably have very sound reasons for choosing the theme/costume, so I hesitate to say anything at all. But my intuition is that something more along the lines of sugar plum fairy, the snowflakes, the flowers, etc, would be really exciting for my daughter— and therefore something to eagerly anticipate for the next 4 month. The sole reason we do this is so that she has something wonderful to look forward to each week. I admittedly feel a little silly writing this, and I really do not want to be presumptuous, but these things make such a difference in a three-year old’s life.

Thanks for your understanding and again, I respect your artistic choice but just wanted to give the perspective of the parent of a three-year old! See you next week.

All best,

M

yearly vom post... warning, vomit alert

2010-01-31T16:34:00.000-08:00

we are in the throes of stomach flu. i realized this is a yearly tradition to blog about vomit in late january to mid feb so here goes. brace yourselves!

last night T was kind of squirmy and elusive at dinner. hubbie and i were feeling frustrated (trading annoyed glances and comments like "why doesnt she eat more when she says she is hungry" and "H eats more than her these days!") and so we force fed her some beans (we were at a taqueria) (BIG MISTAKE!). i kind if knew something was up when she didnt want her lollipop on the way home. she downed her bottle (big mistake #2) and then woke up 1 hr later with a huge vomit into her pillow. i got her out of bed, called hubbie in from his man-space (i mean study) and cleaned up T and the vom. i changed her bedding and got her back asleep in record time. hubbie and i talked about how far we had come in our parenting because the vom didn't really phase us and we got it cleaned up really quickly. the next day T did not remember one thing about the night-- not that she had vommed, not that we had given her a bath, nothing. i was thankful for that because she is really scared to vomit.

T was ok all day although didn't eat much. we got home from a museum and H seemed hungry so i gave her a bottle (mistake #3-- husband could not believe i made this mistake again). later H was eating dinner and all of a sudden she got this funny look on her face and vommed all over her high chair. she was fine after that, jumping around, feeling good. don't worry, i didnt give no bottles at bed-time.

we'll see what the night brings... i have my extra sheets, extra pyjamas, extra towels all ready to go. bring it on vom!

end of january

2010-01-27T17:27:00.000-08:00

well its the end of january and so far the winter has been going pretty well. we play outside every day and have not encountered any sub 20 degree temperatures. woohoo!

today is was almost 40 degrees so we ate lunch outside and drew with chalk. it was a nice break from the snow-play we have been doing the other days. i *love* T's figure drawings. i love how big the eyes are and how meticulous she is about drawing the hair.

every night each daughter gets to pick out two books. without fail H picks out either "Are You My Mother?" or "Goodnight Moon." after several nights of this, T saw her choice ("are yu my mother?") and threw herself on the floor, limp, saying "i hate that book! she always chooses that book! we're not going to read that book."

"sorry," i said. "Hazel's choice." and i started reading. T positioned herself facing us, behind the book, announcing "i'm going to sit here so i don't have to see the pictures and so i can't listen." that lasted about 20 seconds before she was sucked in by the scintillating plot line and beguiling illustrations. NOT!

tues dinner

2010-01-19T15:31:00.000-08:00

three words a mother does not want to hear: "mommy, i wiped myself."

H said some unintelligible nonsense. T ran into the kitchen and told me excitedly, "mommy, hazel can say tattoo now!" T is H's #1 interpreter and fan.

home again home again

2010-01-14T18:05:00.000-08:00

we are home and slowly settling into our routine. T was very sad to leave CA and H was really glad to be home. a difference in their ages and personalities, i think.

H is so sweet these days. i will be sitting doing something and she will come up to me and hug my leg, resting her head on my calf and say "hi."

T is in a mess-making phase. if it is a toy she will have nothing to do with it-- if it is water, flatware, real food, or something breakable, you can find her playing with it. she keeps stealing radishes, carrots, and lettuce from the fridge and feeding them to her play rabbit; "rabby" she calls him. i find little busted vegetables all over the house. the other day i was on the phone with gramsie and i looked over and T had found this little mechanical milk foamer in a drawer and she was using it like a surgical tool on her stuffed baby deer, with H eagerly assisting next to her, wide eyed. it dropped to the floor and went round and round in crazy circles and i have never heard either kid laugh harder. i don't know if it is a good idea to let a 3 1/2 yr old and a 1 1/2 yr old play with a milk foamer...

we have been doing little special projects every day to beat the winter blues. yesterday it was making cookies-- i put towels on the floor and let H participate, figuring shit would get messy and it didn't matter. she was sooooo excited to be included, it was very sweet. H insisted on wearing her moose pyjamas and T insisted on wearing one of her elaborate princess gowns so they were quite the pair. somehow the cookies turned out well, too.

we have been going to play outside every afternoon, as long as it is above 20 degrees. it has helped everyone beat the winter blues (most of all me because them winter afternoons can be looooong). today i brought out some food coloring and we dyed snow. it was fun. H liked it but mostly she just likes me pulling her back and forth in the sled. i bought her some mittens that go all the way up to her elbows (so they can't fall off or be taken off) so i think those will help her feel warm.

i wish the kids would sleep better at night. they really suck at that right now and i am really sick of getting up all the time at night. oh well.

leave her alone for a minute...

2009-12-14T12:34:00.001-08:00

i was stacking wood and T was playing in the car (H was asleep). apparently she found my Tricia McEvoy lipstick (color: raisin) because this is what she looked like when i turned around:

sledding

2009-12-08T06:43:00.000-08:00

the first snow came and it was great. H loved the sled and demanded ride after ride.

holidays

2009-12-08T06:26:00.000-08:00

i underestimated how excited T would be over the holidays. everything seems magical and special to her and she takes all of our traditions-- so far only St. nicholas day, decorating the tree, advent calendars-- very seriously. every night i pick up basically all of the ornaments from the tree that the kids have played with (ornament shop, flying the little people through the air) and redecorate for the next morning and the next round of playing.

i downloaded some christmas stories and we were listening to them by the fire. i thought she would like "how the grinch stole x-mas." personally i always hated dr. suess but other people seem to love him so i gave it a try. i left for a minute to get my tea. she came in crying. "this is scary" she said, and then cried even harder. "he stole that little girl's stocking!" i told her that he turned nice at the end (she does not yet realize that most stories have happy endings and most villains are rehabilitated) but she didn't care so i turned it off. it is so endearing how innocent she is and how she is scared by very mild things.

she has been really into telling secrets. she says "i have to tell you a secret" and makes me crouch down. then she whispers in my ear. yesterday she said "i have to tell you a secret." i crouched down and she said "something is not right." i laughed. "what is not right?" and she told me some nonsense word salad thing. it was so funny.

school has been going better this week which is such a relief. H is upstairs roaring like a lion very dramatically while she tried to settle herself down for a nap. its a trip.

sisters

2009-11-19T18:46:00.001-08:00

lately they do everything together.

i love hearing them crack each other up in the hall when i am making dinner. i love that T interprets what H is saying for me and that she is as in tune with H's needs as I am. i love how they pick out outfits for each other. it makes me sad but i love it that H cries really hard when T leaves for school. as i watch them grow closer and closer i understand in a more profound way the bonds i have with my own siblings and how much i treasure them. how much we mean and meant to each other.

november beach trip

2009-11-12T06:35:00.000-08:00

we have been having really warm november weather. on sunday we went to the beach and stayed for several hours. the kids went in the water, rode the bike, and played in the sand. they had such a wonderful time. they are such water babies. the water was *freezing* but both kids went in and had to be coaxed out with the promise of a cookie.

preschool

2009-11-12T06:20:00.001-08:00

i just got back from dropping T off at pre-school. after an initially sunny start at the year T has come to really fear/dread preschool and i don't know what to do about it. she has been out for 2 weeks with the flu so today was the first time she has been in awhile. the way it works is the kids all play on the playground together in the beginning. after i said goodbye to her i stood with Hazel watching her and she looked so sad walking away from me, walking very slowly towards the playground, shoring herself up. T is a kid who never walks anywhere-- she is usually bounding along like a little goat. i felt so sad and guilty, like why am i making her go? she is usually a kid that jumps right in so completely and confidently that i don't know what to make of it. she seems intimidated by the whole experience. is she too young? is it just a natural separation anxiety thing from me and it wouldn't matter what the circumstance? is the school itself not loving enough/not nurturing enough? are the kids mean? why hasn't she made any friends? maybe it is just jarring to be at a place where you are not actually loved and you are not with your mom or dad or sister who you know love you. i don't know, reader, i feel very torn up about it all.

on another note, here are some pictures of T and H doing a painting project together. i was doing the dishes. the last week or so the girls have been getting into mischief together-- it is really sweet and endearing. T painted H all over. H loved it. then H took this huge brush and started painting the walls. H still has paint in her ears. afterwards we went to the Cafe for lunch and T put her stethescope around her waist as a tail and carried this suitcase/trunk thing and said she was a cat and was going on a trip to stay with Gramsie. she bequeathed gifts of partially chewed crayons on the owners of the Cafe (who have also become our friends).

my house is *very* messy these days, but i guess what the fuck.

shellaqued (sp?)

2009-11-10T17:36:00.000-08:00

i was looking at my old blogs from a couple years back and i realized that the pics are nice but the stories are really important to keep writing down.

today T was in the kitchen for a little bit, all quiet. i went in there and i had left some butter out. it looked like a little squirrel had gotten at it. "have you been eating butter?" i asked. "yes," she said, her face glistening with grease. meanwhile H toddled in grinning from ear to ear holding a glitter chapstick. she had rubbed it all over herself and was so pleased. T took it away from her and then "put on makeup" all over H. H sat there so peacefully, totally enjoying the whole experience, loving the attention from T. they play so nicely together. it is really sweet.

happy halloween

2009-10-29T08:07:00.000-07:00

a few fall photos.
t in her Halloween costume... yes she has real lipstick on!
T with her busted nose... can't really tell how bruised/swollen it was
Me and the girls with our stunning sugar maple trees in the background

random things

2009-10-16T16:15:00.000-07:00

we have been having a good time lately. the kids are off-the-hook fun right now. H is walking all over, trying to talk, throwing little mini-temper tantrums where she throws herself flat on the floor and cries. they are so cute that i think she gets mad at me that i am not taking her seriously. T has adjusted really well to school and we seem to be in a good rhythm.

we went to a park the other day and T had this whole fantasy thing going that we were all in an airplane, she took our tickets, we had assigned seats etc. in the middle of it she far#ed. "what was that?" husband asked jokingly. without skipping a beat she responded "the motor." she is a quick wit... at 3!

i asked her what she had for snack at school. she thought really hard for a minute and said "mix!" and then added "you should get the recipe!" i deduced that they had fed her chex mix (WTF!!!!!) and that she had LOVED it.

a few notes about the pics:
T got a new dress from Gramsie and she ran upstairs and put this whole outfit together-- hairband, tights, shoes (yes, they are on the wrong feet) and i thought she looked so frickin cute! she is her own stylist.

about the picture of H behind that chair. T often picks up H, puts her in that corner, opens the pantry door as a barrier and then further barricades her in by moving that blue chair over. she sits in the chair and watches H imprisoned. H kind of whimpers until i notice what is going on and i release her. i couldnt help taking a pic before i rescued her.

we have been enjoying lounging on the sheepskin as the weather gets colder.

don't the kids look adorable in their new clothes from Gramsie?

lunch

2009-10-14T09:56:00.001-07:00

this is how lunch went. i served butternut squash soup, fresh apples, and toast. the baby took one bite of soup and made a sour face. she had a few more bites but only if i would feed her little pez guy first. then she started rejecting it. T liked the soup ok. she is still working out using a spoon so she spilled a huge spill on the table. she licked it all up like a little dog. the baby took the bread and sucked all of the butter off of it and spit the bread out. then she stuffed her face full of cheese cubes and spit them all out when she realized there were too many. T took one bite out of each apple slice i gave her and ran off. i think a total of 5 calories were ingested by each child.
sorry for the lack of postings. things have been busy!

apple annies

2009-09-28T16:05:00.001-07:00

took the kids apple picking at this apple farm near our house. it is a beautiful drive there and only 10 min away so we just made a quick trip after quiet (prison) time. it was a perfect fall day.

after i picked a few apples we sat down (well T motored around being busy while H and I sat down) and H kept grabbing at the drops on the ground. i took one extremely rotten one out of her hand and said "ew yuck, that one is yucky" and threw it down the hill. she laughed. i handed her a nice clean fresh one i had just picked. she laughed and threw it down the hill, clearly thinking it was a game. so it went, me giving her an apple, her throwing it away. luckily she is just a baby and they didn't go far.

there is a dog at the farm named Spirit (insert hippy new age joke here). he is a really nice dog. T is OBSESSED with dogs these days. she immediatley sought him out. she was carrying this stuffed puppy that had been given to her by some of my friends over the weekend. the stuffed puppy was actually their dog's puppy but T became so attached to it at their house they gave it to her. it smells like DOG peepee (but that's ok, as T says sweetly). so Spirit was very interested. he took the stuffed puppy and started running around the farm. T was delighted to no end and she started bossing the dog around: "drop it Spirit" "spirit, no!" and just endlessly enjoying the drama of it all. meanwhile H was FREAKING OUT, crying, pointing at the stuffed puppy yelling "baby, baby" and really crying hard. i finally managed to catch Spirit and pry the dog loose while Hazel was climbing up my leg madly screaming "baby." it was quite an adventure. really fun though. my girls are so wonderful and unique.

autumn is coming

2009-09-25T16:46:00.000-07:00

it is becoming autumn so we went to the beach! T and H stripped down and went fully in the water and had so much fun, those little dare devils.

today H insisted on placing every morsel of food she ate on a spoon and then feeding herself. tedious is an understatement.

T is having a little bit of a rough adjustment to school. her sleep is all fucked up (boohooo for me!), she is having accidents, and is overall very fragile. gramsie helped me to keep things in perspective and to hug it out.

T has been calling me and husband "Ben and Molly" for a couple of weeks. i think her preschool teacher thought we were some kind of progressive FREAKS because she did it all during her preschool orientation.

husband and i are going on a date now. how nice is that?

our day in pics

2009-09-21T17:10:00.000-07:00

its clumsy on this program to put captions beneath my photos so i will just tell you generally what you are seeing here:

1) peach picking shots. we went to our beloved farm and were going to pick apples (because the peaches are a really far walk and i am feeling shitty with a bad cold) but i couldn't bring myself to pick a fall fruit yet. me love summer. so i picked 22 lbs of peaches. i carried the peaches on my shoulder, pushed T in the stroller and carried H in the backpack. i was pooped when we got back. there are some peaches in a bowl in my small and humble (but i think beautiful) kitchen

2) hazel eating a snack at her "table"-- a step stool.

3) T trying to take H's cookie and H getting mad.

4) the kids playing outside on an indian summer day. yeah for nice weather.

some things

2009-09-16T06:01:00.000-07:00

H's favorite word is "upppppppppppp." this seems to be a pattern with my kids.

T started school yesterday. she LOVED it. her teacher told me that she was great and the leader in all activities-- she put up the date and the weather and totally got the program right away. while she was there H took a nap so i had a whopping 1 hr without kids and it felt nice. i listened to a Moth podcast and cleaned up. so chill!

T is starting a new ballet class today. there was an unfortunate incident with a tight-ass ballerina teacher and a class full of older kids so we are trying a different class. T is happy because she gets to wear a pink leotard to this one instead of a black one.

Id vs. super Id

2009-09-16T05:11:00.000-07:00

husband got home on the super late train last night. he was sleeping this morning and T went in and plopped herself down on him with a book. she had the following conversation with herself:

(super high voice): read it daddy, read it (hitting him with the book)

(super low voice): NO! he's sleeping!

(super high voice): daddy, read it, read it! wake up!

(super low voice): NO! Daddy is asleep!

new clothes

2009-09-12T13:04:00.000-07:00

went on a school-clothes shopping trip with the girls. on the way there i told T where we were going. "lets get me some new underwear because some of them keep going up my butt." fair enough, i told her. i felt sad because T pretty much has grown out of the toddler section and now wears mostly regular girl sizes (not for pants because she is so skinny). how the f- did that happen? T was very mature about not getting any new dresses (they were all ugly so i promised i would make her one) even though i know she was disappointed with her New England winter-worthy pants, heavy tights and fleece sweatshirt. the end of summer is going to CRUSH her wardrobe choices.

H was happy with getting a new fleece pajama set which looked similar to her beloved blanket. she kept cuddling it in the shopping cart, rubbing her cheek on it, so pleased and comfortable.

afterwards we went to this great bakery for lunch. there were some cookie samples at the counter. T helped herself to one. i told her that was enough until we got our lunch. an old lady in front of us took one and then a little bit later took another. T looked affronted and said to me (very loudly) "that girl" (the woman was like 75 yrs old) "took TWO!"

all H wanted to do was climb around on the floor and feed me her regurgitated cookie until my outfit was thoroughly encased in nastiness. but it was really fun anyway. the girls are so cute and wonderful right now.

when the cat is being babysat the mice will have a romantic night in NYC

2009-09-07T16:52:00.000-07:00

last night hubby and i went to NYc for a friend's wedding and we spent the night without the kids. i was so nervous to leave the girls but i was so glad we went. i was feeling kind of crazy, cooped up, fenced in, thwarted, last week and a little jolt of NYC was what i needed. the girls did so well; they didn't seem stressed out at all. hubby and i shared 4 meals together uninterrupted, had long, nice discussions about things and got to dance to a song other than raffi or some other children's classic and felt romantic and young again. the pics don't do the gorgeous wedding justice.

off to bed. i can't do those late nights anymore.

happy birthday

2009-09-01T17:30:00.000-07:00

H, you have added so much to our family in such a short time. you are even-keel, balanced, sanguine, gentle, sweet and beautiful. you are mini in stature but mighty in presence. you love your sister so much and it is my favorite thing to see you guys goofing off together. you go nuts when you see a dog. you are lovable and sweet but reserved when initially meeting someone. you take a lot of chaos in and carve out a peaceful place for yourself. you are mature beyond your year. everyone loves to kiss and hug you. you love your blanket so much and its special tag. i can't imagine life without you; i look forward to your toothy grin when you are asleep and want to wake you up. happy first birthday!

home again home again

2009-08-26T11:59:00.001-07:00

we returned home from 2 weeks in cali. i felt sad. it was so wonderful with our families. i love the dry landscape with old oak trees and golden rolling hills. hot days and cool nights, wonderful produce, a feeling of deep familiarity, topography. the night we came home was hot and humid. the air felt heavy and oppressive; our garden overgrown and cloying.

after settling in i took the girls and fled to one of my favorite places, a farm about 15 minutes away. it has one of the only hills around and the girls and i love to pick fruit there. peaches were in season so we climbed the peach trail, way at the edge of the farm, and found ourselves deep in a beautiful, old orchard. we were the only ones there so we spent two hours wandering around, picking peaches, climbing ladders and trees, and getting used to being alone and being home again.

barbie

2009-08-03T18:09:00.000-07:00

i bequeathed my barbie collection to T today. she thought she'd died and gone to heaven. there was a ken doll in there too. she looked at him and said "i don't want the boy." then she asked me why he was wearing a necklace (he was wearing a bow-tie). when i came to release her from her quiet time prison he was on her book shelf, behind a picture facing the wall. "he was bad" she told me. at bedtime she found this box and put him in it and took it to H's room. "H can have him" she told me. i don't really know what this is all about and why she was so freaked out about having a male doll but it was funny.

her imagination has taken off lately. we had some people over for dinner. she and some other kids lined up some chairs and pretended they were flying in a plane. "we're going on an airplane to tunisia. it is over the river, over the valleys, through the ocean, a very far distance" she told me. a woman standing next to me asked "is tunisia really a country?" i felt bad because she felt embarrassed when i told her it was. i don't realize how much T's vocabulary is influenced by the things we talk about at home. she thinks the world exists of england, tunisia, spain, california and bethel, maine because those are the places we have traveled/and or know people who live there.

seen and heard

2009-07-26T05:57:00.000-07:00

T: mommy, i am an animal doctor and hazel is my little cat.
mommy: what happened to the little cat?
T: she got bit by the lion. (she goes into the room with H and i hear her saying: "H, lay down" before i can intervene.

****
we took the kids to the county fair. we went into the petting zoo. H tried to grab all of the tags off all the baby goats and squealed with delight when they licked her. why do kids delight in animals so much? it it so sweet.

******
T at bedtime, sleepy and exhausted "daddy, can i have some real wings?"

more summer

2009-07-19T16:14:00.000-07:00

i love eating outside, picking flowers, harvesting our first vegetables, going to the beach.

i took the kids berry picking and i can safely say H picked more berries than T. she was in the backpack and i would bend down and she would reach over to the bush and pluck some berries off with her plump little fingers and pop them in her mouth. she loved it and totally got it. T was more interested in making friends with the other young berry pickers and eating what i picked.

T has been having a little bit of a rough go of it lately. lots of strangling and mauling of H. she has been getting up at night scared of the dark, of the "worms in her bed" and other weird things. she keeps asking me if, when we see gramsie next, her "nose will be back on." i took this pic of her snuggled up in H's cradle the other day for a nap. i have been trying to be patient with her but with both kiddies getting up at night i am feeling zombie-like. whenevr she sees me with my camera, she grabs her dolls (she is really into playing dolls right now) and says "will you take a picture of us?" its so cute.

summer

2009-07-10T15:42:00.000-07:00

its mid-july and summer is finally here on the east coast. we have been living it up-- beach, eating outside, swim lessons. at the end of the day the kids fall into their beds exhausted from the day. its so nice.

this is not a vanity fair cover

2009-07-07T05:47:00.001-07:00

i have come to realize that LL is happiest with a jar of paint, an open expanse of backyard, and some mischief to make. on sunday it was a beautiful day. husband set her up with a painting project at her easel. it quickly devolved/evolved into LL stripping down and painting her entire body-- performance art style. she then started chasing husband around the yard, trying to paint him, laughing uncontrollably when she realized he really truly did not want to be caught and it was not a charade.

this is also my child who LOVES to dress up in something glamorous, wear flowers in her hair and wear lipstick. i hope she stays comfortable with both wonderful sides of her self the rest of her life!

keep on the sunny side

2009-07-01T04:42:00.000-07:00

its good for me to look at the pictures i took at the end of the day. it makes me realize that we had some fun and smiles--that not every interaction was negative or involved the phrase "don't (pick your sister up) (hit your sister) (draw body crayons on the table) etc. etc....."

the weather here continues to be terrible. rainy and cold. we are on our winter rotation of activities-- library, science center etc. but everyone wants to feel the sun on their face. but our ferns are doing great!

lil' sis' is so great-- she says "bye bye" and "baby." T is so proud that she can "talk." yesterday the baby spent most of the day in the backpack because she was fussy and/or nervous that she was going to get mauled. it is a pretty good solution and she seems totally content to walk all around with me, every so often patting me lovingly on the back to let me known she is happy or excited about something.

we're back!

2009-06-29T13:08:00.001-07:00

got a new digital camera today. yayayayayyayayayayayya. also bought the 2 yr calamity insurance policy! so no matter what happens in the next 2 yrs (not including lost or stolen) i will get my camera repaired! yay.

more rain here. i went running during a monsoon and the kids got drenched. i took these pics right after. more in the days to come!

sparklies

2009-06-25T18:22:00.000-07:00

i just went in to check a sleeping LL. she was lying on her bed, fast asleep, wearing her "sparklies." her sparklies are these glittery brown ballet slippers that i got at this cheap-o store. they immediatley became her most prize possession and she insists on wearing them at all times-- they gave her horrible blisters but it didn't phase her one bit. i instituted a tights or socks only policy and a no sparklies while riding your balance bike policy but i just can't get those damn things off her feet!

growing up

2009-06-09T17:30:00.000-07:00

its been a big week around here. lil' sis' learned to stand up in her crib. she now pulls herself up on everything and is in that horribly painful stage where she doesn't know how to get down and sometimes falls and bumps her head. she had a check-up and we learned she is very mini-- in the 2nd percentile in weight so we are trying to fatten her up. she is a little mini-champ though. so strong and tough and delicate and graceful at the same time. its hard to imagine our little family before our little nut.

LL is now toilet trained. she mastered this skill in no time and sure looks cute in her undies! the first time she did #2 in the toilet she wanted to examine the product. she assessed it and said "peanut butter poop." lets just say it was an apt description.

i told her she could pick out ANY TOY in the toy store once she did "her business" in the toilet 3 times. i realized what an amateur mistake it was to tell a 2 1/2 yr old they could have any present in the store. i figured she would want the most expensive toy car or something but she immediately honed in on the dolls and proceeded to pick out a baby that looked EXACTLY like floppy baby. "that looks exactly like floppy baby" i told her. "no it doesn't, she has two teeth!" she told me. it was true, the newer version of floppy baby has teeth!

she wanted to hold her the minute we got out of the store. i was holding lil' sis' and trying to undo all of the million twisty ties that were holding "Pinky" (as she was immediately anointed) in her box and it was taking me some time. LL got this twisted sad face and said "i am so sad that she is TRAPPED in there."

Pinky's arrival has made a major difference in lil' sis' life because now she gets to cuddle Floppy Baby, her favorite, much more.

i couldn't keep up with the pace of toy every time you poop so i made a sticker chart and made 4 rewards: ice cream cone, movie, pick anything you want out of the grocery store, and trip to science museum in boston. when she successfully went poop or pee i let her choose where she wanted to put her sticker; once she filled all of the spots for that reward, she got the reward. she chose trip to science museum every single pee/poop (two stickers for a poop, mind you). it quickly became evident that she was having no trouble getting stickers (she went pee like 5 times in a row during quiet time, hhmmmmmmm) and so we were headed to the science museum this weekend. i love it that she chose the museum! i kind of assumed she would pick the more flashy movie choice.

airplane

2009-06-03T10:26:00.000-07:00

just got back from a short trip to Cali. too much laundry and cleaning to do to write a long post. the flight was not a total disaster-- the good news is that LL watched paddington bear for about 2 hrs (YAY!)(what a stoopid cartoon!), the bad news lil' sis' took one little shitter nap and wanted to crawl around the whole time (bummer for me!).

there was this well-meaning but annoying woman sitting behind us. she kept playing with the kids. she was trying to be nice but she totally invaded the kid's personal space. at one point she reached between the seats and started playing with/poking LL's hand. LL grabbed her hand away and asked me "who is doing that?" i tried to diplomatically answer ("some woman on the plane who wants to be your friend") and took her hands in mine. she continued trying to figure out the situation. "who is that?" she was incredulous. "i know doc, i know gramsie" she paused and motioned to everyone in the plane "i don't know these people!"

my beautiful girl

2009-05-17T15:22:00.000-07:00

pics!

2009-05-17T06:45:00.000-07:00

husband's good friend Ben from college was here this weekend. husband got to go rock climbing and then we all hung out. we ran a 5K (husband ran it with the girls in the double stroller and got 23rd place!-- my handsome hero) and then went to the beach and got a lobster. the weather was foggy and moody, it was neat. i miss the fog of SF. anyway, Ben had a camera (the pic quality is so great it makes me yearn for an SLR camera) so i am able to post some pics. as you can see LL had some fun with her lobster friend at dinner. we saw a family of geese in the water before dinner and LL got to feed them. another great weekend with my wonderful family.

j-o-b

2009-05-13T16:29:00.000-07:00

most days i feel like i have the best job in the world. today was one of them. this morning lil' sis' and i got some one-on-one time. i was supposed to be working while she was sleeping (and LL at the babysitter) but lil sis seems to be giving up her morning nap (hmmmmm, i sense a theme with my children). after getting really frustrated and stressed i decided fuck it. i got lil' sis dressed and we went to the beach. there are a handful of nice, clear, not-humid, not-buggy days here and today was one of them. we went for a run and then i played with lil sis in the water. she is more cautious than LL-- she needs to take it all in and process it before accepting a new experience. LL just goes whole hog and jumps right in. anyway, it was so fun, just me and my little sweet baby. we picked up LL and had lunch at our fave neighborhood restaurant.

at dinner LL got to eat the remains of her solid chocolate easter bunny. she got to eat the head last night and i have to confess i ate a few bites this morning. she immediatley noticed. "what happened to his arms." she asked me, looking the thing over as with a magnifying glass. "mmmm, bunnies don't have arms," i guiltily explained. she looked skeptically at me. this thing was solid chocolate and she kept gnawing it down, chocolate getting everywhere. lets say it changed shape, getting more rudimentary with every turn of her tongue. suddenly she looked at me and said "i am eating a turd." i started laughing. she continued. "mommy can i take my turd with me in the bathtub?"

and we were off to bed.

lucky for them

2009-05-08T11:59:00.000-07:00

husband took LL to the town egg hunt while i was gone in oregon. the hunt took place down by the river at this town bandstand which is kind of a popular spot for events (earth day, festivals etc). yesterday we drove by it and there was a group of seniors all congregating there at what looked like a veterans memorial or something like that. "look mom, some old people are having an egg hunt!" LL screamed as we went by. she wanted to go but i tried to explain to her it probably was not an egg hunt, some other boring thing but i was dying laughing.

conciousness

2009-05-04T16:47:00.000-07:00

i have posted before about the difficulties of putting both my kids down for nap/night-time at the same time. somehow this has gotten easier with time but is difficult somedays nonetheless. today lil' sis' was like a little fussy barnacle attached to my body (ahhhhhhh these days are so hard!). i needed to put her down for a nap so i told LL to wait quietly in her room until i got back. usually this entails multiple trips into where i am nursing lil sis with little whispers telling me random things like "don't forget your wallet" and "your shoes are downstairs." anyway, today there were no little visits from LL and i got lil' sis' down quickly. i went into LL's room to read her a story. she waited for a second and then said "you can say 'good job for not coming in while hazel was going down.' you can say that." she was making the cutest, most earnest face and nodding her head. i gave her a huge hug and thanked her for being so good. what struck me so much was her conciousness about being good; she had obviously thought about it so much and had decided not to go in and disturb us.

ps. there wont be pics for a while because i spilled LL's sippy on the camera and it is awaiting repairs. sorry! just mental images for now.

doing

2009-04-24T16:41:00.000-07:00

haven't been writing much lately because we have been doing so much.

napping on books (so dear and cute)
watching our plants grow
devouring new library books like the wonderful Billy and Blaze series

it is so wonderful to see LL experience the world.

namaste my friend

2009-04-24T16:30:00.000-07:00

i have been taking LL to kid's yoga since she was about 9 mths old (insert new-age chanting here). it sounds cheesy and flaky but it is awesome. it is basically a movement class and a safe, encouraging space for little ones to learn to use their bodies and interact with each other. it is taught by Miss Lisa, a wonderful, cheerful, chill person. i am sure i will be blessed with many teachers/coaches/instructors that will enter my kids lives and make a difference for them. miss lisa is such a person for LL. she has a way of engaging each kid, from the most shy, to the most wild and rambunctious, and making them feel special and honored. i can remember feeling really stressed, tired, and even at odds with LL when lil sis was first born and then going to yoga with her and feeling more positive and connected. how's that for new agey you cynical bastards!

today i took a group picture. the picture is not the best because 1) the light was weird and i am hating pictures with flash recently 2) lil' sis' was lunging for the camera so i had to hold the camera way far away from my body. but i think it captures the beautiful essence of all the mothers and their kids and Miss Lisa (holding LL).

here is one of the little songs we sing there:

ring around the yogi
namaste my friends
inhale exhale
we all feel great
love is in our house
and our minds are filled with peaceful thoughts
ohm delightful ohm
life is FUN!
(do sparkle fingers or toes to finish off chant)